Travel Guide for Flying Part III

How to fly!

Tips and Advice:

My mother doesn’t travel much and when she does she describes it as a daunting if not terrifying and anxious experience.  The last time I flew with her she just kept saying “how are people suppose to know what to do?”

1.)    Arrival at airport – long stay carparks are convenient but expensive usually starting at about £35.00 per day and then dropping to around £20.00 over a period of time.  Take public transport or bug a friend and talk to a taxi man – ask how long it takes to get the airport and make sure you arrive about an hour before hand.

Related Tip a.) If you’re getting a taxi, especially during the summer months, book in advance as actually quite a lot of people need taxis at 5:30 in the morning and many companies will be fully booked.

Related Tip b.) You have to check-in online now so make sure you remember to do so and don’t leave it to the least minute.  I missed a flight because my internet, neighbours internet, public library internet were all down for some reason and I couldn’t get my booking pass.  I also know of folk who have saved their booking pass onto their computer’s in advance but forgot that they were out of printer ink to print the stupid thing out!  (See – stress before you even begin)

2.)    When packing, keep important items (like your wallet, passport, phone, booking pass and documents AND liquids) easily accessible so you don’t spend half an hour poking through your luggage at the airport.

3.)    When checking bags, rucksacs and things with straps are usually labelled and then you have to take them to the outsized luggage area for security.  Check with your airline to see the permitted weight of luggage, pack, step on bathroom scales and weigh yourself and then get on again with your luggage and subtract the difference.  If your luggage is overweight you will have to pay extra unless you’re travelling as a family and then sometimes they will combine the luggage weight of everyone travelling.

4.)    Don’t even bother trying to take sharp or pointed objects even a nail file – they will be confiscated.  Some aerosol cans, batteries etc can cause problems too.  Once when I was travelling my thieving friend nicked the cutlery from our flight over and the airline confiscated their own cutlery on the way back, even though it would be provided again on the plane!

5.)    No liguids, make-ups, creams, gels, etc over 100ml are allowed.  Not even a bottle of water and will be removed.

6.)    Make sure you have a pound or euro coin on you as you have to display make-up and liquids in a clear plastic bag which they sell in dispensers at the airport for £1.00.  some people bring their own food bags but the last airport I was at rejected that bag as not regulation.  Others buy the clear make-up bags and again some airports will allow this and others won’t.  if you’re not sure if it goes in the bag, put it n anyway as if the baggage scan shows a potentially threatening lip gloss they will put your bag aside to search it, rescan and check the sealable plastic bag for chemical residue.  Also at the last air port we were at we were only allowed one of these tiny bags per person so if you love your make up you may be forced to leave it behind.

Related tip: Remember that wherever you’re travelling to it is likely that they will have many shops that sell shampoo, shower gel etc so you don’t need to spend a fortune buying travel sizes or going to the chemists in the airport shops after you’re through security.  If you don’t really need it – don’t bring it!

7.)    As you approach security have your boarding pass ready, take off your coat and take your liquids.  When you get there you will have to take laptops and some electrical items from their cases for examination.  Take off metal jewellery, empty your pockets and you may be asked to remove your shoes if you have heels that could contain a concealed apartment.

8.)    Check hand luggage size allowances on your airline before you pack.  When you buy luggage now they usually come with the dimensions printed so you can make sure it will pass regulations. 

9.)    Film Camera photographers – the smaller scans for hand luggage are fine but the big machines for the hold luggage will strip your negatives, so if you’re packing your camera, carrying on your film.

10.)                        When through security check the monitors for updates on your flight, as the time of embarking approaches a Gate number will be provided and there are many signs to point you in the right direction but make sure you leave yourself enough time to get there as larger terminal buildings can be so vast as to take you 20minutes to walk to the gate.

11.)                        Smokers – once you’re through security you can’t leave and can’t smoke!

12.)                        Once you get to the gate passengers will be called to board.  Most cheap flights have unallocated seats so you need to be at the start of the queue if you want to sit together.  Priority boarding passengers will be called first.  You need to have your boarding pass and passport (or photographic ID – check which your airline accepts) out for inspection.  Don’t put your boarding pass away again as you will be asked to show it when you board the plane itself to make sure you’re on the right flight.  Don’t walk under the wings when approaching the aircraft.

13.)                        Hand luggage must be stored in the overhead compartments or (if it’s small), underneath the seat in front.  You will be asked to turn off your phones and all electronic devices including MP3 players though the latter may be used once you’re in flight and the seat belt sign goes off.

14.)                        Before departure all passengers must be seated with seat belts buckled, chair in the upright position (there’s usually a button on the side of the arm rest for reclining) and trays closed (there are usually food trays on the back of the seat in front of you).  If you are sitting on the seats at the wings and emergency exit you will not be allowed any baggage cluttering the floor.

15.)                        They will do the mandatory healthy and safety skit and will offer you every product under the sun from the passing trolleys which will bang your arm if it’s too far out into the aisle.

Many thanks for your attention!!!

Travel Guide for Flying Part II

Stanstead to Dublin!

I love London, there’s always something going on, a comedy show, a live gig, an impromptu street jam or just people watching!  Throngs of lost looking tourists, smells of burgers and stale ale, the ding of one-arm bandits, flashing neon signs, shop fronts so minimalistically modern as to have a single, round, clear plastic table sitting in the window with a designer sock perched on top of it and the call and mystery of the West End.  I was there with a pseudo boyfriend who was in love with me but in a long term relationship and thus nothing happened (thankfully) and he went into possessive control mode.  Now believe it or not I’m the kind of person who will happily get lost abroad or miss the last bus home, thinking it’s not the end of the world, just a new experience and adventure – not him!  So needless to stay when we were going back home we were uber organised.  We left on the bus for Stanstead three hours before our flight was due to board and disaster strikes!

There is pelting rain, the like of which I’ve only seen in summer thunder plumps that lash down in torrents and everything is disrupted.  The Stanstead train Express isn’t running, the roads are at a stand still and it takes us four and a half hours to go for London to outside of London!  Needless to say we missed the flight – everyone missed the flight - through no fault or our own but do the airlines care?  No!  They flew that budding 737 with ten passengers and cashed in on charging everyone an extra £60.00 to get home – THE NEXT DAY!

We had to spend the night at Stanstead airport.  Now if you haven’t been there (and this was almost a decade ago back when I was in collage) all they have are those bolted together seats, with occasional metal arm rests and even they are few and fair between.  Everywhere there was people passed out on the floor like some emergency medical tent in the war and nothing to do but wait.

We did get home the next day (and the flight was delayed) with sore backs and sleep deprivation and an urgent sense of injustice.

Not a flight tale!

A randomer’s story on getting on the ferry!

My friend and I were in holiday mode, preparing to travel to Exeter for the brilliant and bohemian ‘Beautiful Days’ music festival and we needed a rucksack.  So off we pop to our local wilderness store and the chap behind the counter is typically Northern Irish and therefore chatty and conversational.  He tells us about the time we was returning home on the ferry in his car.

Now he sells firearms (no this isn’t a common occurrence in Northern Ireland despite what the world may think!).  He trades in guns for game shooting, clay-pigeon enthusiasts and things like that and he has a trunk load of guns (all clearly marked by brand in their little boxes) and ammuniation.  Of course, he has all the paperwork and legal documentation and permits etc and is used to some discourse when passing through customs but that day they pull him over and spend over an hour questioning him about Wind Screen Cleaner!  Yes, you read correctly – the trunks open and all these potential weapons are on full view and the guards don’t mention them or glance at them once, no, what they want to know is what he’s doing with twenty litres of window cleaner!

Driving to the ferry he stopped to top up his wind screen water sprayer thing and ran into the garage to pick up some scented soap cleaner.  Well they only had a 500ml bottle and were charging through the roof for it so he drives on to the next service station and though and behold finds an offer on 5litre bottles of the stuff for more than 80% less than the 500ml bottle and thinks ‘Happy days!  I’ve room in my boot, might as well stock up as this is something I’ll always need and won’t find it cheaper anywhere else,’ so he does just that.  Little did he know that strawberry scented car soap would involve the summoning of several guards for advance and almost make him miss the ferry!

A Guide to Flying Part 1

Flying Frustration?

Isn’t it curious how exhausting travelling is even though the physical exertion is minimal? How we feel guilty when we’re walking through airport security even though we’ve ‘nothing to declare’? How frustrating it is and how anxious we become when we check the monitors for flight details and see ‘delayed’ or, my favourite, in Belfast City Airport – ‘Relax and Shop’ – yeah right! Every airline has different regulations; every airport has different rules and the probability of smooth sailing is virtually impossible.
In these next articles I’m going to share some travelling stories and tips to avoid them becoming a reality for you!

Gatwick to Belfast!

Expect the unexpected!

I am always conscious when flying to leave time for the inevitable unexpected. I try, though it’s against my nature, to be organised and leave plenty of time for minor catastrophes! Hyperbole? No,welll….! When most people are travelling they are looking forward to a well earned break, a week in the sun, visit with old friends or finally seeing and experiencing that personal interest first hand. Also, especially in this financial market, people often can only afford a brief dalliance in luxury to make a trip they’ve wanted to do for ages so when things go wrong, we’re disillusioned, panicked and so aware of the money we’ve spent to make this happen, the time we’ve taken out of our lives and the preparation we’ve been through.

Two years ago I was coming home for visiting a friend in Surrey and everything went wrong. First off, we were running late to the airport, so my heart’s already racing and my mind is jogging through ideas as to how I can afford to stay another day or buy another ticket only a few hours or day in advance – ie. Expensive!

I get there and I have to check my hold luggage, clothes and random things I can’t seem to travel without and I’m also carrying a small handbag, camera bag (as I used film which gets wiped when going through luggage scanners and expensive camera without the encumberance of tonnes of bubble wrap) and my tripod.

This is fine coming over, no problems but I get to Gatwick and “No, sorry, you’re only allowed one piece of hand luggage”. Now I’ve travelled enough to know that this is common but in all the airports I’d travelled with thus far one piece of hand luggage was a bag, about 50inches by 25inches and then on top of that you were allowed things that you need to keep with you and would be ridiculous to pay for putting in the hold like a camera bag, laptop case, coat, handbag and even umbrella. (it’s been raining out, you’re soaked, you’re brolley’s soaked and they expect you to pay £20.00 to put it in storage or to stuff the drenching thing into your hold luggage? – Come on!)

So, I was completely broke at the time and my flight was leaving in half an hour, I decided to fight ‘the man’ and ran around Gatwick airport asking in all the shops if I could nick a bin bag or large carrier bag because that was the ridiculous thing – all my extra pieces of baggage when put together were smaller than the allowance hand luggage allowance but they weren’t all in one bag!!! So I managed to get a normal sized shopping bag from WHSmiths and put my camera bag and handbag in it. 20mins to spare and I have no choice but to have my exposed and expensive tripod thrown into the hold (for an extra £20.00). I asked at the desk if they could bubble wrap it and she just looked at me with irratated scorn and refused! Of course, you are responsible for the packaging of your items so I probably couldn’t even get any compensation if the thing emerged bent out of recognition.

Right off to departure gates through security. All liquids and make-up in a clear plastic bag – check! Hand luggage much smaller than permitted – check! First, they decide to be particularly finicky with me and ask me to take off my heeless shoes and belt (oh hold onto the trousers) – fine expect it’s T minus 18 minutes. I still set off the bloody alarms! Rough, embarrassing pat down and I think I’m finally on the home straight – No! There was a pot of brand new, sealed, still in selophene packaging Clinique moisturiser in my bag. It was a Christmas gift from my mother and to me represented passing the point of girl to women – my first expensive face cream! (guys – you just don’t understand). It turns out that it’s 110ml and I’m explaining the sentimental value and how it’s never even been opened to the guy interrogating me and at this point I’m never tears. T-minus 12minutes.

He says (paraphrasing) “You could always check it in to hold luggage?” What? Like What? First spend another £20.00 and put a flimsey cardboard packaged, glass pot, 2inches in height in with a giant suitcase and expect to ever see it again? And I’m thinking if only I was here earlier, I could run out and buy a flipping travel bottle from Boots and scrap the contents into it but no – T – minus 9mintes! So I give up and I really feel completely defeated and belittled and angry (especially when I notice the guy stuffing the Clinque into his bag to take home for the wife!).

I understand and realise the significance of the rules but every rule should have its exceptions, allowances and COMMON SENSE in individual circumstances! (by the way can I just point out again that everything I had on me I brought through Belfast to there in the first place with NO bother!).

So there I was, 21 years old and running to the plane in fear of more expense and really, just wanting to be home! And guess what – the flights delayed. After all that the bloody flights delayed and I just stand there, staring at the screen in wrapt emotion and disbelief until a lovely young girl from the Clinque (if you can believe it) counter in the duty free walks over to me from the shop and asks if I’m ok? (Wish I knew her name I’d get her, her Christmas bonus!) I blink, try to smile and stutter “Toilets?”

Trudge over to toilets, taking out my separate bags and chucking the plastic carrier, ‘cause it’s ok now, and collapse in a cubicle and finally, finally cry!