Street Performance Lines and Banter

List of typical street lines and banter (just off the top of my head!)

1.)    (person walks through your show)

Response: It’s ok, it’s just a stage they’re going through.

                  I don’t walk into your bedroom in the middle of the night when you’re trying to perform!

It’s ok ladies and gentlemen, that man is just my agent and look at me I’m working on the streets.

Variation ~ That woman is my dear old mum – don’t worry she never acknowledges me in public.  I love you mummy!!!

2.)    ‘Something’ of Death or Doom, eg. The unicycle of death, the knives of death, the fire of doom etc.

3.)    (Parent with kid on Shoulders)  Excuse me sir, do you realise there’s a small child growing out of your head.  Small child, do you realise there’s a man growing out of your…never mind.

4.)    Juggling ~ There is a stage in every man’s life when their balls have to drop.

5.)    (man looking nonplussed with their hands in pockets) Please take your hands out of your pockets; this is a kid’s show.  Or  Take your hands out of your pockets we all know what you’re doing down there,

6.)    (Woman looking nonplussed with arms crossed) You might want to unfold your arms, you’ll squish your breasts or it’ll hurt when you clap.

7.)    I want you all to whoop, cheer, clap, throw small children in the air, you sir?  I want you to drop your pants and go ‘Whoooo’ when I count to tree for no reason at all just so we can grow our crowd and people will think I’m great.

8.)    Late comers ~ Sorry the shows over and now we’re talking about Jesus.

9.)    And for my big finale I will kill a small child.

10.)                        Hat lines ~ Stop, wait, don’t move and don’t walk away like those cheap chavs over there.

If you meet me in a pub and I showed you a card trick you’d probably buy me a pint and a pint is what, £5.00 in this economy.

Please come up and put some money in my hat, just open your wallet, take it out and fold it neatly.

If you don’t have any cash there’s a cash machine over there.

Rewarding a volunteer (usually a small child) with a note (money) and saying that they deserved it for being so brave as to come out there in front of all those people and perform for them.

I’m not paid or sponsored to be here not by the bank, the (whatever) shop your near, not by the government or any other criminal organisation.

If you’ve just arrived and wondering what’s happening, people are giving me money for no reason, come join them!