There's a University Course for that?

What do y ou want to be when you grow up?

After cracking up over a bowl of Cornflakes of the idea of there being a 'David Beckam' University course I decided to do some further research, so I scanned the UCAS courses to see what other random interests you could study. I mean people laugh at you for studying Philosophy or Liberal Studies or even Classical Studies or Media but things get even stranger!

I've got a friend with a degree in Forensic Pathology in Northern Ireland when there's only one forensic pathology job in the whole country so she's morbidly waiting for them to die like Prince Charles!!!! and currently working in Tesco's.

Forget History of Art or IT as random and useles courses out in the big bad world and try some of these?

Actual courses from actual UNIVERSITIES (not random small techs) in the UK for 2011!

School of Oriental and African Studies (University of London) (S09)
qualification =
Ancient Near Eastern Studies (Q400)
3FT Hon BA
Bournemouth University (B50)
qualification=
Popular Music (W340)
2FT Fdg FdA
Hereford College of Arts (H18)
qualification=
Artist Blacksmithing (W720)
3FT Hon BA
University of Westminster (W50)
qualification=
Fashion Buying Management (N590)
4SW Hon BA
The University of Stirling (S75)
qualification=
Global Cinema (P390)
4FT Hon BA
Bath Spa University (B20)
qualification=
Contemporary Circus and Physical Performance (W900)
2FT Fdg FdA
Myerscough College (M99)
qualification=
Cricket Coaching (XC1P)
2FT Fdg FdA
Newcastle College (N23)
qualification=
Cricket Coaching (XC16)
1FT Cer CertHE
The University of Nottingham (N84)
qualification=
Crop Science (D401)
3FT Hon BSc
Crop Science with Cert in European Studies (D402)
4FT Hon BSc
University of Brighton (B72)
qualification=
Viticulture and Oenology (D636) Study of WINE!
3FT Hon BSc
Bath Spa University (B20)
qualification=
Professional Musicianship (W310)
2FT Fdg FdMus
Oxford University (O33)
qualification=
Experimental Psychology (C830)
3FT Hon BA
University of Central Lancashire (C30)
qualification=
Fire and Leadership Studies (LN42)
3FT Hon BSc
Writtle College (W85)
qualification=
Professional Floristry (DW47)
2FT Fdg FdSc
De Montfort University (D26)
qualification=
Footwear (WJ74)
2FT Fdg FdA
University of Exeter (E84)
qualification=
Flexible Combined Honours - (Global Futures - sustainability (themed pathway)) (Y004)
3FT Hon BA/BSc
The University of Birmingham (B32)
qualification=
Applied Golf Management Studies (N290)
3FT Hon BA
Nottingham Trent University (N91)
qualification=
Fashion Knitwear Des and Knitted Textiles (W222)
4SW Hon BA
University of Leeds (L23)
qualification=
Mind and Knowledge (V551)
3FT Hon BA
Newcastle University (N21)
qualification=
Philosophical St: Knowledge and Human Interests (V000)
3FT Hon BA
Aberystwyth University (A40)
Qualification=
Welsh History/Information & Library Studies (PVC2)
3FT Hon BA
The University of Birmingham (B32)
Qualification=
Money, Banking & Finance with Portuguese (4yrs) (N3R5)
4FT Hon BSc
Staffordshire University (S72)
qualification=
Geography with Mountain Leadership (F8X3)
3FT Hon BSc
Geography with Mountain Leadership (L7N8)
3FT Hon BA
University of Cambridge (C05)
qualification=
Anglo-Saxon, Norse, and Celtic (QQ59)
3FT Hon BA
Bournemouth University (B50)
qualification=
Sustainable Graphics & Packaging Design (Top Up) (W214)
1FT Hon BA

Edge Hill University (E42)
qualification=
Playwork (X312)
2FT Fdg FdA
Central School of Speech and Drama, University of London (C35)
qualification=
Theatre Practice: Puppetry (W441)
3FT Hon BA
Brunel University (B84)
qualification=
Creative Writing (W800)
3FT Hon BA
Harper Adams University College (H12)
qualification=
Off Road Vehicle Design - Marketing & Management (H3N5)
4SW Hon BSc#
Off-Road Vehicle Design (H336)
3FT/4SW Hon BEng
Aberystwyth University (A40)
qualification=
Romance Languages (4 years) (Q990)
4FT Hon BA
Coventry University (C85)
qualification=
Disaster Management (NH22)
3FT/4SW Hon BSc
Neath Port Talbot College (N13)
qualification=
Substance Misuse (L591)
1FT Cer CertHE
Cornwall College (C78)
qualification=
Surf Science and Technology (CF68)
2FT Fdg FdSc
University of Worcester (W80)
qualification=
Arboriculture & Tree Management (D501)
1FT Hon BSc
The University of Nottingham (N84)
qualification=
Viking Studies (VQ43)
3FT Hon BA
I love the way that if you stick 'sciences' onto the end of something it becomes legitimate - Rugby Sciences, Cat Showwing Scienes! So what on earth DO you do with a BA in Road Management?

Cool Harry Potter Charm Bracelet

Hey folks ,

Found this cool handmade crafts auction website and just had to share especially when I saw these:~ Harry potter and a Twilight Charm Bracelet!

http://thecraftauction.moonfruit.com/

Sample Poems & Readings for a Naming Ceremony Part 2

Celtic Blessing

May the strength of the wind and the light of the sun,
The softness of the rain and the mystery of the moon
Reach you and fill you.
May beauty delight you and happiness uplift you,
May wonder fulfil you and love surround you.
May your step be steady and your arm be strong,
May your heart be peaceful and your word be true.
May you seek to learn, may you learn to live,
May you live to love, and may you love - always.

Traditional Irish Blessing

May you always have walls for the winds,
A roof for the rain, tea beside the fire,
Laughter to cheer you, those you love near you,
and all your heart might desire.

May the sun shine all day long,
Everything go right, and nothing wrong.
May those you love bring love back to you,
And may all the wishes you wish come true.

May luck be your friend
In whatever you do
And may trouble be always
A stranger to you.

When God wants something special done
in this world...
He sends a baby and then...
He waits.

Author Unknown

Welcome to the world – Si Kahn

Pick me out an old-time song
Sing it right and sing it wrong
Play a tune that's nine months long
Welcome to the World
Take my fiddle and my bow
Play you every tune I know
Keep you dancing while you grow
Welcome to the World

We've got diapers by the pail
Mama's skinny as a rail
Got the whole world by the tail
Welcome to the World
Listen to that baby squall
Must be nearly ten feet tall
And you'd think he'd done it all
Welcome to the World

In my mind I see you clear
Changing through the days and years
And we're glad you're finally here
Welcome to the World
May you grow up proud and strong
May your life be rich and long
May your nights be filled with song
Welcome to the World

from The Newborn (C. Day Lewis)

This mannikin who just now
Broke prison and stepped free
Into his own identity -
Hand, foot and brow
A finished work, a breathing miniature -
Was still, a while ago
A hope, a dread, a mere shape we
Had lived with, only sure
Something would grow
Out of its coiled nine-months nonentity.
... How like a blank sheet
His lineaments appear;
But there's invisible writing here
Which the day's heat
Will show: legends older than language, glum
Histories of the tribe,
Directives from his near and dear -
Charms, curses, rules of thumb -
He will transcribe
Into his own blood to write upon an heir.
... Welcome to earth, my child!
... We time-worn folk renew
Ourselves at your enchanted spring,
As though mankind's begun
Again in you.

Riders (Robert Frost)

The surest thing there is is we are riders,
And though none too successful at it, guiders,
Through everything presented, land and tide
And now the very air, of what we ride.
What is this talked-of mystery of birth
But being mounted bareback on the earth?
We can just see the infant up astride,
His small fist buried in the busy hide.
There is our wildest mount - the headless horse.
But though it runs unbridled off its course,
And all our blandishments would seem defied,
We have ideas yet that we haven't tried.

Go, and be happy
You are born into the dazzling light of day.
Go, and be wise
You are born upon an earth which needs new eyes.
Go, and be strong
You are born into a world where love rights wrong.
Go, and be brave
Possess your soul; that you alone can save.

-- Siegfried Sassoon

Nothing is strange to a child for whom
everything is new.
Where all things are new nothing is novel.
The child does not yet know what belongs and
what does not;
therefore for him all things belong.
The ear of a child is open to all music.
His eyes are open to all arts.
His mind is open to all tongues.
His being is open to all manners.
In the child's country there are no foreigners.

(Kenneth L. Patton, from This World, My Home)

O Lord, let me be a burden on my children
For long they've been a burden upon me.
May they fetch and carry, clean and scrub
And do so cheerfully.

Let them take it in turns at putting me up
Nice sunny rooms at the top of the stairs
With a walk-in bath and lift installed
At great expense.....Theirs.

Insurance against the body-blows of time
Isn't that what having children's all about?
To bring them up knowing that they owe you
And can't contract out?

What is money for but to spend on their schooling?
Designer clothes, mindless hobbies, usual stuff.
Then as soon as they're earning, off they go
Well, enough's enough.

It's been a blessing watching them develop
The parental pride we felt as each one grew.
But Lord, let me be a burden on my children
And on my children's children too.

Roger Mcgough

"Men," said the little prince, "set out on their way in express trains, but they do not know what they are looking for. Then they rush about, and get excited, and turn round and round..."
And he added:
"It is not worth the trouble..."
The well that we had come to was not like the wells of the Sahara. The wells of the Sahara are mere holes dug in the sand. This one was like a well in a village. But there was no village here, and I thought I must be dreaming...
"It is strange," I said to the little prince. "Everything is ready for use: the pulley, the bucket, the rope..."
He laughed, touched the rope, and set the pulley to working. And the pulley moaned, like an old weathervane which the wind has long since forgotten.
"Do you hear?" said the little prince. "We have wakened the well, and it is singing..."
I did not want him to tire himself with the rope.
"Leave it to me," I said. "It is too heavy for you."
I hoisted the bucket slowly to the edge of the well and set it there – happy, tired as I was, over my achievement. The song of the pulley was still in my ears, and I could see the sunlight shimmer in the still trembling water.
"I am thirsty for this water," said the little prince. "Give me some of it to drink..."
And I understood what he had been looking for.
I raised the bucket to his lips. He drank, his eyes closed. It was as sweet as some special festival treat. This water was indeed a different thing from ordinary nourishment. Its sweetness was born of the walk under the stars, the song of the pulley, the effort of my arms. It was good for the heart, like a present. When I was a little boy, the lights of the Christmas tree, the music of the Midnight Mass, the tenderness of smiling faces, used to make up, so, the radiance of the gifts I received.
"The men where you live," said the little prince, "raise five thousand roses in the same garden – and they do not find in it what they are looking for."
"They do not find it," I replied.
"And yet what they are looking for could be found in one single rose, or in a little water."
"Yes, that is true," I said.
And the little prince added:
"But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart..."

(from The Little Prince by Antoine de St-Exupery)

Before You Came

What did we do, in the days before you came?
Vodka, and dancing, and staying out late
Breakfast at tea-time
Reading the papers, a long lie-in
And space in the bed

Now it's daisy chains, and super-heroes
Butterfly wings, and light-sabres
Eating pink cake
Naming stars
And catching snowflakes in our mouths
No room in the bed
And a half-sleep on its edge
While you snore, stretched out, a star-fish

Time escaping, before you came
And cast your spell
And filled the house with possibility;
All the things you want to do
And all the things you're going to be
So - let's make a den
Take our biscuits in
Carve lanterns at Hallowe'en
Watch grown-ups do star jumps on a trampoline
And wonder what we ever did
In the days before you came.

by Beverley Butcher

Sample Poems & Readings for a Naming Ceremony Part 1

Children Learn what they Live

If children live with criticism,
They learn to condemn;
If children live with hostility,
They learn how to fight;
If children live with ridicule,
They learn to be shy;
If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilty;

If children live with tolerance,
They learn to be patient;
If children live with encouragement,
They learn to have confidence;
If children live with praise,
They learn to appreciate;
If children live with fairness,
They learn justice;
If children live with security,
They learn to have faith;
If children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves;
If children live with love around them,
They learn to give love to the world.

Dorothy Law Nolte

Footprints

“Walk a little slower Daddy” said a child so small
“I’m following in your footsteps and I don’t want to fall.

Sometimes your steps are very fast,
Sometimes they’re hard to see;
So walk a little slower Daddy,
For you are leading me.

Someday when I’m all grown up,
You’re what I want to be;
Then I will have a little child
Who’ll want to follow me.

And I would want to lead just right,
And know that I was true;
So walk a little slower Daddy,
For I must follow you.

Anon

A Mother’s Wish

I hope my child looks back on today
And sees a mother who had time to play.
There will be years for cleaning and cooking,
But children grow up when you’re not looking.
Tomorrow I’ll do all the chores you can mention
But today, my baby needs time and attention.
So settle down cobwebs; dust go to sleep,
I’m cuddling my baby, and babies don’t keep.

Anon

Brand New Little Daughter

She´s your brand new little daughter,
so enchanted, sweet and smart.
With a coo, she´ll have you smiling
With a laugh, she´ll own your heart.

It´s the time for hugs and kisses,
Reassurance when she cries.
It´s the time for making moments
Full of love and Lullabies.

For these golden days of childhood
come and go so very fast -
Hold her tight and love her dearly.
Make these precious moments last.

Linda Lee Elrod 

A baby will make love stronger
Days shorter, Nights longer
Bankroll smaller, Clothes shabbier,
The past forgotten,
And the future worth living for.

Author Unknown

Night night, Mummy; see you later

At seven o’clock every evening my Mum tucks me up in my bed.
I’m nice and snug in my ‘jamas, beside me my faithful old Ted.

I always nod off very quickly – before Mum has turned out the light,
But when it’s her bedtime much later, well then I wake up for the night.

For there’s no time of day I like better than the hours between midnight and three,
For Mum hasn’t got any housework and can give her attention to me.

And when i start yelling and shouting, Mum knows that she has to be quick
For the night when she leaves me to grizzle is the night I decide to be sick.
But Mum can’t mind in the slightest at being my playmate ‘til two –
She’d normally spend this time sleeping, for she’s nothing much better to do.

Some nights she mixes a cocktail from the bottles she keeps on the shelf,
Which sometimes she gives me to swallow – and sometimes she gulps down herself!

And if in the morning I’m sleepy, and feel in the need of a perk,
I can have forty winks in my pushchair while Mummy gets on with her work.

But nothing’s as nice as the night time. And nothing can equal the pleasure
Of finding it’s four in the morning and being Mum’s wide-awake treasure

A Prayer Celebrating the Spirit of a Child

Give us the spirit of the child.
Give us the child who lives within - the child who trusts, the child who imagines, the child who sings, the child who receives without reservation, the child who gives without judgement.
Give us a child's eyes, that we may receive the beauty and freshness of this day like a sunrise. Give us a child's ears, that we may hear the music of mythical times.
Give us a child's heart, that we may be filled with wonder and delight.
Give us a child's faith, that we may be cured of our cynicism.
Give us the spirit of the child, who is not afraid to need, who is not afraid to love. Amen

Anon

Advice on Life

IF.....

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

Wishing you many smiles and happy times to come
May life’s adventures be exciting and sweet
Filled with love from the friends that you’ll meet
You’ll soon grow up for time does fly
So cherish each moment as it goes by
From crawling and walking
To toddling and talking
There’s no knowing what you’ll do next
There’s a threshold to cross and a wide open door
And a wonderful world for you to explore
Sleep with the moonbeams and play in the sun
Let your life be a long one and filled with fun
May today and tomorrow and all days hereafter
Be days that are happy and filled with your laughter.

Anon

Lessons for Children to Learn

Do not be bored with childhood so that you rush to grow up – and then long to be a child again.
Do not lose your health to make money – you’ll lose your money to restore your health.
Do not think so anxiously about the future that you forget the present and end up living neither.
Do not live as though you will never die, or you will die as though you have never lived.

Learn that you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is let yourself be loved.
Learn that it is neither interesting nor helpful to compare yourself with others.
Learn to forgive by practising forgiveness.
Learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those whom we love and it can take many years to heal them.
Learn that there will be those that love you dearly but who have not learned how to express or show their feelings.
Learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it entirely differently.
Learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least to be happy.
Learn that it is not enough for you to forgive others, you must also forgive yourself.

Anon

Be true to those who trust thee,
Be pure for those who care.
Be strong, for there is much to suffer,
Be brave, for there is much to dare.
Be a friend to all – the foe, the friendless.
Be giving and forget the gift.
Be humble, for thou knowest thy weakness.
And then, look up and laugh and love and live.

Anon

Forever Young

May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,

May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young,

May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,

Adapted from Forever Young by Bob Dylan

Examples of Promises Shared...

Examples of promises:

From mybabycelebration.co.uk

Parents

• I promise that I will always love and support my child to the best of my ability
• I promise to work hard to create a loving, cheerful and comfortable home in which to raise our child
• I promise that I will always ready to listen to N so that he will bring to me both his joys and his concerns
• I will teach him honesty, generosity of spirit and tolerance
• I will do my best to teach my child about responsibility, not only to each other, but to the world in which we live
• I promise to try always to be realistic in my hopes for N’s future, and to accept the choices he makes as he matures

Special Adults

• I promise that N will be able to trust me with his thoughts, his dreams and his hopes
• I promise that I will always be there for N, be a shoulder to cry on, someone to confide in, and a hand to hold
• I promise to teach N that we can learn and benefit from both success and failure, and I will remind him that joy is everywhere, even in the darkest times
• I promise to find time for N, to be non-judgemental and supportive and to love him

Grandparents

• We promise, as grandparents, before you all that we will give to N the same love and support that we gave always given to our own children
• We look forward to being part of N’s life and we promise to use our experience of live to enhance his development

Typical Structure of a Naming Ceremony or Blessing!

Typical Structure of a Naming Ceremony?

1.)A celebrant or a friend is usually appointed to lead the occasion.  They will welcome the guests gathered, perhaps share a few words on why everyone is here and introduce the parents/grandparents/supporting adults.  The parents may choose to process down the aisle once everyone is seated and ready to begin or just sit at the front of the guests.  Music may accompany the arrival.

2.) The child is formally named and the parents and grandparents or supporting adults usually voice some kind of promises or intentions considering the little one.

3.) Friends and family or the celebrant often now reads a few chosen poems or readings that are appropriate for the occasion.  Or may even give a mini ‘address’ to tell the story of his/her birth and what the ceremony is trying to achieve.

4.) Music or singing may also be incorporated or other elements depending on the style and needs of the parents.

5.) A document or certificate is usually drawn up and signed to bear record of the day and then presented and the child is officially introduced to the assembled ‘world’.

6.) Party, coo over and Enjoy!

What is a Baby Naming Ceremony?

What is a Naming Ceremony?

In this modern and hopefully more enlightened and understanding world, many parents are choosing to celebrate the birth of a child in alternative ways instead of opting for the traditional ‘christening’ or ‘baptism’ there are a number of reasons for this, firstly many want to acknowledge and mark the momentous occasion of new life but feel hypocritical to conduct such a ceremony in a church because they don’t share the belief systems or sometimes just because a christening is a religious promise for the parents to extol the virtues of their faith upon their child and is not about the baby’s faith and would prefer to leave decisions of faith until their child is old enough to understand and make an informed choice in later years.  Quite rightly this should not deter loving and devoted parents from being able to introduce their newborn to their circle of friends and family and rejoice in their life and now there are more options that do not cling so rigidly to a scripted service or denomination.

The British Humanist association offers just one of these alternatives (http://www.humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/humanist-namings).  Humanists focus on the goodness and culpability of man to approve or damage their society during their time on earth without recognising an all powerful plan of a creator god.  They belief in the potentiality and kindness of the human condition and strive to bestow morality and appreciation for the human race.

The traditional role of ‘god-parents’ is replaced by ‘supporting adults’ in welcoming and voicing their hopes for this young life.  You can, of course, organise an event specific to your thought and personality when considering how you would like to mark the occasion of a new arrival.  Naming ceremonies usually last about half an hour and involve readings, poems etc that communicate the hopes and dreams for your children and sometimes, a private declaration of promises that you as the parents of this vulnerable and beautiful being, hope to undertake.

A Naming ceremony is not a legal sacrament but the symbolism of naming your child is the first step in encouraging a separate an independent identity that you will help mould and encourage.  They can take place almost anywhere from a more paganism worship nature and creation is a forest clearing to your living room surrounded by those who will be important and influential in your baby’s life.

It is a beautiful and courageous thing to stand up and say, ‘this is my daughter/son and it is my responsibility to teach them, love them and guide them into becoming fine and wonderful adults of this world’. 

Here in this lens I will be exploring some of the choices associated with organising such a ceremony to hopefully give you ideas and make the whole process least stressful and allow you to concentrate on the life-affirming wonder of birth.

Street Performance Lines and Banter

List of typical street lines and banter (just off the top of my head!)

1.)    (person walks through your show)

Response: It’s ok, it’s just a stage they’re going through.

                  I don’t walk into your bedroom in the middle of the night when you’re trying to perform!

It’s ok ladies and gentlemen, that man is just my agent and look at me I’m working on the streets.

Variation ~ That woman is my dear old mum – don’t worry she never acknowledges me in public.  I love you mummy!!!

2.)    ‘Something’ of Death or Doom, eg. The unicycle of death, the knives of death, the fire of doom etc.

3.)    (Parent with kid on Shoulders)  Excuse me sir, do you realise there’s a small child growing out of your head.  Small child, do you realise there’s a man growing out of your…never mind.

4.)    Juggling ~ There is a stage in every man’s life when their balls have to drop.

5.)    (man looking nonplussed with their hands in pockets) Please take your hands out of your pockets; this is a kid’s show.  Or  Take your hands out of your pockets we all know what you’re doing down there,

6.)    (Woman looking nonplussed with arms crossed) You might want to unfold your arms, you’ll squish your breasts or it’ll hurt when you clap.

7.)    I want you all to whoop, cheer, clap, throw small children in the air, you sir?  I want you to drop your pants and go ‘Whoooo’ when I count to tree for no reason at all just so we can grow our crowd and people will think I’m great.

8.)    Late comers ~ Sorry the shows over and now we’re talking about Jesus.

9.)    And for my big finale I will kill a small child.

10.)                        Hat lines ~ Stop, wait, don’t move and don’t walk away like those cheap chavs over there.

If you meet me in a pub and I showed you a card trick you’d probably buy me a pint and a pint is what, £5.00 in this economy.

Please come up and put some money in my hat, just open your wallet, take it out and fold it neatly.

If you don’t have any cash there’s a cash machine over there.

Rewarding a volunteer (usually a small child) with a note (money) and saying that they deserved it for being so brave as to come out there in front of all those people and perform for them.

I’m not paid or sponsored to be here not by the bank, the (whatever) shop your near, not by the government or any other criminal organisation.

If you’ve just arrived and wondering what’s happening, people are giving me money for no reason, come join them!

Most Common Busking Mistakes

Dancers, Buildings and People in the Streets (Dance Performance)

Most Commons Busking Mistakes!

1.)    Being too shy and therefore sitting as far away on the pavement as you can from passers-by and of course having your HAT too far away for people to notice.  Make a big enough noise, be confident in your performance and people will notice, make allowances and not walk into you!

2.)    Getting so distracted by hecklers that your audience walk away or they only stay to see if there’s going to be a punch and not to reward you!  Come to the street prepared with some witty one liners to shut down and ward off hecklers before they take hold.

3.)    Being unsafe – if you are using fire or dangerous props you have to account for accidents, mistakes and all eventualities.  Lay down a rope or chain to mark a safe distance for people to stand and watch out for young children who don’t understand the danger they could be in if they run into the middle of your stage when you’re juggling fire for example.  Know your limitations and perfect your finales, even if you have an exciting idea you want to share – messing it up at the last minute will kill your audiences enthusiasm and you won’t get paid.  You have to appear and BE in control and sure or people won’t trust you and won’t want their kids near you and you want children’s shows, they are the most unpredictable but also funniest and most enjoyable.

4.)    If you’re doing a show build an audience first with teasers, setting up and by interacting with them or by the time anyone has noticed you, your show will be over.

5.)    Escalate in a show – start small but impressive, showing off your skills and then do a bigger trick and finish with something that will blow their minds.

6.)    You need a hook – something different, a different performance style or addition to an age old routine to make your audience feel they are seeing something exciting for the first time and not to bore them with a juggling routine that the previous five performers have already done.

7.)    Respect is very important.  If a mother is genuinely concerned for her child and pulls them away don’t insult her rights on how she’s bringing up her children or the audience will turn against you.  Also if a van or police car decides that they need to drive right through your pitch in the middle of your finale, you have to keep the momentum, you can’t avoid the situation so be polite and deal with it as quickly as possible.

8.)    One of the biggest mistakes in shows is choosing the wrong volunteers.  Bringing an audience member in ‘backstage’ so to speak immediately helps the audience to relate to you and they will take the lead on their reactions from the ‘one of them’ standing before them.  Therefore you don’t want to pick someone who is going to heckle you, not trust you, be terrified and shy and run away or the spectators will do likewise.  How to avoid this, though it’s not always possible as you have to be a good people reader and that will come with time but even then people can surprise you, is to watch for committed, happy and reactionary people in your crowd while you do a few warm u p tricks.  After a while you will learn what type of people will be most likely to want, even need, to be in your show and will be a great addition to it.

9.)    Be funny, be insulting but always be on the edge because it’s so easy to go too far in your adrenalin rush and say or do something that discomforts or insults the audience but DON’T play it too safe either or people will get bored.

10.)                        Lastly another mistake is not to ‘pack’ your crowd.  Often when you start to perform a few people will stop and they will be all higgledy-piggledy, scattered all over and kind of focused in your direction.  Tell them to come closer and form lines like in a standing amphitheatre ~ that way it’s harder for people to walk away and psychologically they have made a decision to stay and watch.  You want reactions from the crowd or it’ll be like pulling teeth and torturous for everyone involved including the performer.

Buskers are Not Beggars!

Buskers are not Beggars, that it the first thing to remember when strolling down city streets ~ you are inadvertally entering a performance area, a stage if you will where men and women, old and young are showcasing their hard work and talents for your enjoyment.  Most of these people are genuine artisans from a historic and bohemian heritage providing shows for the masses without distinction or exclusion.  All too often the cries of “Get a real Job?” or “Stupid vagrant” are heard by passing ignorant and judgemental folk.  You must remember that despite the mockery and heckling, these entertainers still choose to work on the streets following an ancient tradition from antiquity and sourced all over the world.

The term “busking” was first cited in the English language in the 1860s and comes from the Indo-European word “bhudh-skō"” ~ to conquer and later to the Celtic “Boudi” ~ victory and finally to the Spanish “buscar” which means ~ to seek.  In this cynical, capitalist word you would join these together to form ~ someone who#s looking for recognition and money but there is also a spiritual and psychological impetus of such a raw, unpredictable and often peripetitic profession.  Street Performers encounter so many people and ideals from different walks of life and are often seeking a personal enlightenment that may be as simple as growing confidence or skills but they absently get a snap shot of society and global personality.

Yes, as in any job, these buskers are hoping to be paid and are NOT paid to be there by the ‘local banks, government authorities or any other corrupt organistations’!  (typical street hat line!)  Even whatout the mastering of entertainment skills, performance techique and presence, these people have to conquer self-confidence, belief and endurance.  It is not a stable profession and is constantly changing and evolving.

When it first began it was the only way for many people to be heard.  The world was not technologically advanced as it is today where artists can self-promote through social networking, audio recording and you tube videos.  Scaling millenia of history, there has always been a public voice whether they were oral story tellers before civilisations could commit works to paper or read the results, or perhaps sharing public announcements or views in ‘speaker’s corners’.  It is a noble and hard profession which takes courage to undertake and many years to master fully.

There are two main types of street theatre, walk-by and shows.  The first are less demonstrative but no less talented engaging onlookers for a few moments as they pass by with no start or end to their offerings like human stautues, musicans, balloon artistics, dancers, some jugglers.  Shows will have a ‘build’ where the public are encouraged to actually stop and watch a mini ‘production’ from start to finish ~ a magic show, a danger show, a uni-cycle show ~ these shows will have a theme, a vague outline for dialogue and a progression from warm up tricks to the more startling and climatic visual skills (however the ‘big finale’ isn’t always the hardest trick or offer, just attracts the biggest crowd reaction, for example – it’s a lot harder to juggle seven small balls than to juggle three flaming, fire torches – in this way you have to learn what’s ‘marketable’ and let go of some of the ideas and skills sets that you’re ‘married to’ because they won’t work in front of an audience).  The other main difference is that a show will have a ‘hat line’ when the performers encourage the spectators to pay them for their time spent entertaining and engaging with them whereas a ‘walk by’ will simply have a hat or other recepical placed in a prominent position to collect money as folk pass.

What you don’t realise when you think of the ‘freedom’ and self employment of the street is that there are often rules.  Firstly you must consider where the law stands on busking ~ do you need a permit?  Is it tolerated for tourism?  Then where to busk? ~ Are you going to block a shop door or street, are your audience going to be safe?  Are you drowning out some other poor performer by turning up an amp right beside them?  The bigger shows also often have to contend with the fact that they’re not the only show in town and there is revelry and pettiness and everyone’s an artist with a touch of bi-polar and attention needs!  There are few cities and areas in those cities where firstly busking is allowed and secondly receives enough people traffic to make the biggest impact and so often there is a rota or auction set up for participating performers that provides a running order for ‘the pitch’ ~ the stage you’ll be working.

In the end of the end you’re relying on the honesty and good nature of the public which is often a precarious thing but also a beauty thing and connecting a way that most folk now avoid!  It can takes years, even decades to learn the skills, the performance techniques and prepare a show so NO these people are NOT beggars and this is their JOB and you are only intimidated by their courage, risk taking and confidence as you skulk back to your office cubicle! 

Strictly Shakespeare ~ Creative Writing Competition ~ June's Winner on Video

Travel Guide for Flying Part IV - Jokes

Aeroplane Jokes and Funnies!

An engineer and a programmer
A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.

The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.

Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

Those raccoons are not luggage
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.

"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

What just happened here?
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. "More!" he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control.

He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A pistol hit me on the head!"

They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the head!"

They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing hysterically. They ask him, "Kid, what's so funny?" The boy replies, "I sneezed and a house blew up!"

What was the problem before?
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.

After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."


I deserve a first class seat
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

Boarding from what gate?
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.

So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.

Half off these tickets
USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

The world's smartest man?
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.

Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

"I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.

"I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane."

"You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."

The Christmas airport
It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.

Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. (Almost a scrooge) Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.

With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, "Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe."

"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."

"Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss."

"That's not why it's there."

"Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"

"It's there so you can kiss your luggage good-bye."

Travel Guide for Flying Part III

How to fly!

Tips and Advice:

My mother doesn’t travel much and when she does she describes it as a daunting if not terrifying and anxious experience.  The last time I flew with her she just kept saying “how are people suppose to know what to do?”

1.)    Arrival at airport – long stay carparks are convenient but expensive usually starting at about £35.00 per day and then dropping to around £20.00 over a period of time.  Take public transport or bug a friend and talk to a taxi man – ask how long it takes to get the airport and make sure you arrive about an hour before hand.

Related Tip a.) If you’re getting a taxi, especially during the summer months, book in advance as actually quite a lot of people need taxis at 5:30 in the morning and many companies will be fully booked.

Related Tip b.) You have to check-in online now so make sure you remember to do so and don’t leave it to the least minute.  I missed a flight because my internet, neighbours internet, public library internet were all down for some reason and I couldn’t get my booking pass.  I also know of folk who have saved their booking pass onto their computer’s in advance but forgot that they were out of printer ink to print the stupid thing out!  (See – stress before you even begin)

2.)    When packing, keep important items (like your wallet, passport, phone, booking pass and documents AND liquids) easily accessible so you don’t spend half an hour poking through your luggage at the airport.

3.)    When checking bags, rucksacs and things with straps are usually labelled and then you have to take them to the outsized luggage area for security.  Check with your airline to see the permitted weight of luggage, pack, step on bathroom scales and weigh yourself and then get on again with your luggage and subtract the difference.  If your luggage is overweight you will have to pay extra unless you’re travelling as a family and then sometimes they will combine the luggage weight of everyone travelling.

4.)    Don’t even bother trying to take sharp or pointed objects even a nail file – they will be confiscated.  Some aerosol cans, batteries etc can cause problems too.  Once when I was travelling my thieving friend nicked the cutlery from our flight over and the airline confiscated their own cutlery on the way back, even though it would be provided again on the plane!

5.)    No liguids, make-ups, creams, gels, etc over 100ml are allowed.  Not even a bottle of water and will be removed.

6.)    Make sure you have a pound or euro coin on you as you have to display make-up and liquids in a clear plastic bag which they sell in dispensers at the airport for £1.00.  some people bring their own food bags but the last airport I was at rejected that bag as not regulation.  Others buy the clear make-up bags and again some airports will allow this and others won’t.  if you’re not sure if it goes in the bag, put it n anyway as if the baggage scan shows a potentially threatening lip gloss they will put your bag aside to search it, rescan and check the sealable plastic bag for chemical residue.  Also at the last air port we were at we were only allowed one of these tiny bags per person so if you love your make up you may be forced to leave it behind.

Related tip: Remember that wherever you’re travelling to it is likely that they will have many shops that sell shampoo, shower gel etc so you don’t need to spend a fortune buying travel sizes or going to the chemists in the airport shops after you’re through security.  If you don’t really need it – don’t bring it!

7.)    As you approach security have your boarding pass ready, take off your coat and take your liquids.  When you get there you will have to take laptops and some electrical items from their cases for examination.  Take off metal jewellery, empty your pockets and you may be asked to remove your shoes if you have heels that could contain a concealed apartment.

8.)    Check hand luggage size allowances on your airline before you pack.  When you buy luggage now they usually come with the dimensions printed so you can make sure it will pass regulations. 

9.)    Film Camera photographers – the smaller scans for hand luggage are fine but the big machines for the hold luggage will strip your negatives, so if you’re packing your camera, carrying on your film.

10.)                        When through security check the monitors for updates on your flight, as the time of embarking approaches a Gate number will be provided and there are many signs to point you in the right direction but make sure you leave yourself enough time to get there as larger terminal buildings can be so vast as to take you 20minutes to walk to the gate.

11.)                        Smokers – once you’re through security you can’t leave and can’t smoke!

12.)                        Once you get to the gate passengers will be called to board.  Most cheap flights have unallocated seats so you need to be at the start of the queue if you want to sit together.  Priority boarding passengers will be called first.  You need to have your boarding pass and passport (or photographic ID – check which your airline accepts) out for inspection.  Don’t put your boarding pass away again as you will be asked to show it when you board the plane itself to make sure you’re on the right flight.  Don’t walk under the wings when approaching the aircraft.

13.)                        Hand luggage must be stored in the overhead compartments or (if it’s small), underneath the seat in front.  You will be asked to turn off your phones and all electronic devices including MP3 players though the latter may be used once you’re in flight and the seat belt sign goes off.

14.)                        Before departure all passengers must be seated with seat belts buckled, chair in the upright position (there’s usually a button on the side of the arm rest for reclining) and trays closed (there are usually food trays on the back of the seat in front of you).  If you are sitting on the seats at the wings and emergency exit you will not be allowed any baggage cluttering the floor.

15.)                        They will do the mandatory healthy and safety skit and will offer you every product under the sun from the passing trolleys which will bang your arm if it’s too far out into the aisle.

Many thanks for your attention!!!